Buy My Book!

Have you ever had rats crawling all over your face while you sleep? Ever wondered what a deep-fried cockroach tastes like? Is there a family of mice living in your barn or crawl space? Good news, people! Help is on the way!

I wrote this thing!
I wrote this thing!

The Rock ‘N’ Roll Exterminator  is a book about how to catch and kill mice, rats, cockroaches, and bedbugs on the cheap. There’s also some stuff about centipedes and millipedes because those things are disgusting. Oh, and ants! There’s stuff about ants, too.

Since moving to the city two years ago I’ve discovered a lot about myself: I cry easily. I hate sandals. I can live on $7 a day. But mostly I learned that I really, really fucking hate mice. So I wrote a book about killing them! But since that can get kind of boring, I threw in some cool stories about mice chewing on old ladies’ faces, rats eating hot fries, and people getting crabs. You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll never look at an open box of cereal the same way again!

But I haven’t even gotten to the best part! My super talented friend and trusted drinking buddy Jed Collins drew some sweet illustrations! Here’s a preview:

We call this one "Dirty Guido Mouse"
We call this one “Dirty Guido Mouse”

You can buy it here, and also at Barnes and Noble or any other major bookstore. (My publisher told me to set up a click-to-buy thingy but I don’t know how to do that. So just follow the link, dummy!) Also feel free to write an Amazon review about all the typos you find.

Alls I know is that my mom and dad are gosh-darn proud. Now they can tell all their friends that their little girl is the Rat Queen of New York City. You know what they say! If you can make it here…

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